I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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