my phone needs a breathalizer
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
