Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
