Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
