why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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