You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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