Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
