if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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