i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
