i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
