my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
