so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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