I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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