There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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