oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
