It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
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We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
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The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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