Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
