dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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