I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize