erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
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I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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