At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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