So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
