You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
