I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
