When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She announced her abortion via fbk
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
