WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We left the knife in your bed.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
