You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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