why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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