the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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