I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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