my being single is dangerous.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
