So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
