she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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