remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
