P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
