Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
