Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
