This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
