I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How does one acquire holy water?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
