so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
