Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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