Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
