You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize