I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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