I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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