Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
