Umm I'm too high to move.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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