We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Terrible idea I love it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
