shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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