I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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