i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
