I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
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you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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