Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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