Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
sarcasm needs its own font
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
