dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize