I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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