Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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