i think my tv is drunk
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
