the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
