So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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