we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
