Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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